Technomania

NEVER SAY NEVER - Ten years ago, I moved to a very rural northern town.  Isolated from friends and family, my children worried about me, especially driving at night and so they gave me a cell phone for Christmas.  I never wanted a cell phone, and I definitely wasn’t going to get hooked on one,  After all, I had done without one for my first 50 plus years so why would I need one now?  Boy was I off base on that one! My first “mobile” phone was a one piece, black “Nokia” brand phone - it didn’t flip open, had no “sliding feature”, it didn’t offer texting, didn’t have the Internet, it had no camera, no fancy downloadable ring tones –  it was just a newer, smaller, portable version of the simple old ma bell phone I grew up with.  I didn’t have the heart to tell my children that service was iffy at best this far north making reception pour even on clear days; but, I used the rationale that it would be handy to have in case of EMERGENCIES.  So, I threw it in my purse along with the other non-essentials I carry and tried to forget about it.  However, like most rural areas, time eventually  catches up up with us and signal towers began popping up among the trees and along our highways.  My phone began to ring on occasion and the more I talked on it, the more I  grew addicted to this wireless “demon” and soon we became one! It became a semi-permanent attachment to my ear  and it was never far from reach – I learned to drive, shop and walk one-handed! I was content and all was right with the world.  But my coming of age in this techno-phase didn’t end there.  The cell phone industry created new and better, faster, more hi-tech phones that my children felt necessary to bestow upon me.  Alas, I was left in the wireless dust! I was lucky to be able to program in the names and phone numbers of friends and family, but all of a sudden there were more options on my phone: display options, screen saver choices, ring tones, text messaging, etc. - all too overwhelming for a novice such as me.

I am now aware that there is an entire demographic that texts faster than I can type (60 wpm on a good day) and they do this with their thumbs no less.  Who would have thought that the opposable thumb would have lead to the creation of an entirely new language.  Go tell that to your BFF.  I’m sure that down the road we will see new medical conditions like “texting tendinitis” and “thumb fingeritis” appear which will create the need for new specialists like phone physicians - their field will be diagnosing and treating cell phone disorders - wow, think of that!

It is amazing  what we can do with our new evolved cell phones.  We can watch television shows, movies, download music and videos - it’s a BRAVE NEW WORLD! I will bet that in the future, not only will cell phone be able to download programs and provide GPS navigation, but they will be able to start a load of wash, cook dinner and record your favorite television show all remotely! Will I be able to figure out how to make them work?

Making transitions has been difficult for me and I’m curious about other “older” folks - whether they experience some of the same technical overload that I have encountered,  The younger generation seems born with techno-abilty but  this stuff seems to be challenging to those of my age group.  I think the reason we have trouble mastering our new toys is that there’s simply no more room in our brains. At a certain point in life, our brain just says, “Thank you, but we’re closed. Packed solid. We’re not accepting any new stuff.”

The cell phone isn’t my only delimma.  I own things I can’t operate. It’s embarrassing. Friends say, “Hey did you record that show last night?” and I have to tell them “I tried , but something happened. I just got fuzz and static. And by the way, did you call me yesterday? My machine is flashing that somebody called, but it won’t tell me who. Was it you? I’m asking everybody.”

The problem is, they keep coming up with technology nobody asks for. They think you actually want clocks that make coffee, cameras that talk, phones that take pictures. We don’t want that. You know what I want? I just want to lie down. That’s really all I want. If I could just lie down for half an hour, I’d be content. I’ve been trying to read directions since 1987; my head is pounding; I cannot do it. I want to write a letter:
Dear Japan, STOP!!! I’m fine. This is plenty of stuff. Why didn’t you stop with the VCRs and turn your talents to work on crippling diseases. That’s right, no more technology, instead go cure a disease—-I’m going to go now and figure out my new cell phone directions.’; //leave this line

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